How Judgement of Another Is Judgement of Yourself

Have you been irritated by someone lately?

What caused the irritation? Perhaps they were selfish, snappy, unhelpful or lazy? What judgement about them did you make in that moment?

In many situations, the judgement you made about them is actually a reflection of something in you you are rejecting.

Hal and Sidra Stone call it your "disowned self," in their book "Partnering, A New Relationship."

Our disowned self is a part of us we reject within ourself. For example, when I was younger I was a bit fiery. My dad always said I threw the most atrocious full-body tantrums over little things.

Now though, after some conditioning - 'be a good girl' etc - I have rejected this part of myself and have become the most peaceful loving mediator there ever was (or so I think). When I encounter someone who is fiery, I reject that trait and judge it, because it's something within me that I dislike and have 'disowned' about myself.

Hal and Sidra Stone say that we are purposely pushed toward individuals in family life, work or elsewhere who bear traits we have disowned so that we can actually 'whole' ourselves.

So we can stop judging ourself, accept our true kaleidoscope of emotions, characteristics and ways of being and learn how to integrate them and ultimately find balance.

So again, I ask who has irritated you lately? How is that trait a part of yourself you are rejecting?

If we can release self-judgement, accept our 'disowned selves,' and re-integrate 'disowned' traits in a balanced way, we may feel more secure, confident and whole inside.

And the best part? We no longer get so irritated by others who bear this trait! We no longer sit in judgement of another ... err of ourself.