Feeling free. Something our soul knows that our human self yearns for. A release of all things 'hard' — relationships, uncontrollable emotions, physical pains, monetary demands, life itself.
I felt the most free the night of my cousin's wedding, after I read Louise Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life. I realized from her book that I AM IT. I am the one who is responsible for my happiness, my health, my future. And that my thoughts and emotions are the keys to opening a new, happier way of being. That feeling free is an effect of loving yourself.
Through meditation and study of books such as hers, I've become more aware of my thoughts. I've been realizing that so much of what I do is for the approval of others. Do I look cute in this dress? Will I be fancy enough? Will I have anything to say when seeing so-and-so? Will I be awkward and alone at some point in the night? These are thoughts I had leading up to my cousin's wedding. It was wrecking my entire mood. I felt flat, almost tight-lipped as if I was too scared to say anything for fear I would be a 'downer', or boring, or silly.
Luckily, I was able to sneak away early the night before the wedding as I had to put my toddler son to bed. I got some quiet time by myself to reflect on my mood, my thoughts and how I would like to approach the rest of the weekend. I decided that I wanted to enjoy myself. I started thinking about all the people I would see that I was looking forward to seeing. I began to think about certain relationships and think about the positive aspects of those personalities (as opposed to focusing on the negative). I realized I had been so insecure it was trapping me in my own mind.
I decided to let it go. Why would I care more about someone else's happiness rather than my own? For example, in a conversation — if there was an awkward silence, would it bother me? Or would it bother me because I would think it was bothering the other person? It would bother me because I would think it was bothering the other person. I decided to let that go.
I wanted to enjoy the weekend and not just 'get through it.' So, I choose happiness. And as I choose happiness, then not only did I serve myself, but I served all because my positive energy would affect others — raising the entire vibration of the event little by little.
I let go. I did what I wanted to do. I made an effort to talk to those I enjoyed talking to. I let go of any expectations of others and how they should treat me. Often I would feel bad if someone just said 'hello' to me and walked away, for example. But not this evening, I would not let that affect me. I was not dependent on their approval of me for my happiness. I was responsible. I loved myself, and I felt comfortable and beautiful even though I wore a less fancy dress. I choose to follow my joy. I love dancing, and so I did even when I was 'alone' on the dance floor. Of course, I was never alone for long as I found unexpected, delightful partners on the floor. This, of course, makes perfect sense, because when you are in alignment with your true vibration of wellness, connected to your higher source, true to and honest with yourself, positive synchronicity happens. Things begin to fall beautifully into place.
I had an incredibly joyful evening. My 'goofy' side even came out, and it was one of the best date nights I've had with my husband in a long time. I was grateful for him, for all my family, the beautiful evening, the good food and music. I felt free.